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The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 7 hours and 40 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
Audible.com Release Date: January 13, 2015
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B00RKI81A6
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
My review title says it all. Sorry to say that those who want insights from an ex FBI agent will be disappointed. So will be those who had read more than two books on personal communications. There are many good and practical ideas. Yet, it would be much better if the author had employed a better editor and made the chapters/topics more organised and structured, and the whole book more coherent.p.s. Below please find some favorite passages of mine for your reference.Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity pg4You can extricate yourself from unwanted relationships by slowly decreasing each of the basic elements of the Friendship Formula. This gradual decrease will let the unwanted person down incrementally without hurting their feelings and without seeming like an abrupt break in the relationship. In most case, the unwanted person will naturally come to the conclusion that the relationship is no longer viable and seek more rewarding interactions. Pg9In dating environments, men should make a conscious effort to cant their heads to one side of the other when approaching women or else they may be perceived as predators. Pg30The telltale signs of a genuine smile are the upturned corners of the mouth and upward movement of the cheecks accompanied by wrinkling around the edges of the eyes. Pg32Isopraxism is the fancy term for mirroring, a nonverbal practice that can be used to make friendship development easier and more effective. Pg40The Golden Rule of Friendship – If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. Pg75The basic formula for constructing emphathic statemens is “So you….†We naturally tend to say something to the effect of “I understand how you feel.†The other person then automatically thinks , NO, you don’t know I feel because you are not me. Pg77Empathic statements also serve as effective conversation fillers….All you have to remember is the last thing the person said and construct an empathic statement based on that information….It is far better to use a series of empathic statement when you have nothing to say than to say something inappropriate. Pg80If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere. – Zig Ziglar pg96Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation. – Oscar Wilde pg121The more you can encourage the other person to speak, the more you listen to what they say, display empathy, and respond positively when reacting to their comments, the greater the likehood that person will feel good about themselves and you like as a result. Pg121LOVE - Listen. Observe. Vocalize. Empathize. Pg126Giving someone the feeling they have some control over a situation can work wonders, even with children….Salespeople use the alternate response question all the time. When you go to a car dealership, a good salesperson will not ask you if you want to buy a car. They will ask you if you like blue cars or red cars…..Good salespeople give the customers the illusion that they are in control of the car buying experience, when in fact the salespeople are directly you through a well-choreographed presentation. Pg147People have a need to be right, but people have a stronger need to correct others….Making presumptive statements is an elicitation technique that presents a fact that can be either right or wrong……ME: How much is this diamond?Clerk: One hundred and ninety dollars.ME: Woooh, the markup must be at least 150%. (presumptive statement)Clerk: No. It’s only 50%.ME: And then your 10% commission. (presumptive statement)Clerk: Not that much. I only get 5%.ME: I suppose you don’t have the authority to discount. (presumptive statement)Clerk: I am authorized to give a 10% discount. Anything after that, the manager has to approve.ME: Ask the manager if he will sell this at a 40% discount…..Pg150When people receive something either physically or emotionally they feel the need to reciprocate by giving back something of equal or greater value (Law of Reciprocity). Quid pro quo is an elicitation technique that encourages people to match information provided by others. Pg154During your conversation, you should seek common ground (Law of Similarity) with the other person. You should also use empathic statements to keep the focus on that individual. In short, you want to make the other person feel good about themselves (Golden Rule of Friendship). Pg155Elicitation technique known as internal/external foci. To find out what your loved one really thinks about cheating, you need to approach the topic from a third person perspective. Instead of the direct question, “what do you think about cheating?†you want to say, “My friend Susan caught her husband cheating. What do you think about that?â€pg155And as every spy knows, common enemies are how allies always begin. – Ally Carter, Don’t judge a girl by her cover pg242
Have you ever wanted to get better at connecting with people? Specifically, what can you do if you want others to be drawn to you? You might think of some obvious ways, such as smiling or being authentic, but these are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to attracting people and winning them over. In the book, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over, authors Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins share practical strategies for getting an accurate read of people and positively influencing them.I have often said I try not to read too much into body language and focus more on what people are saying. It turns out, this is not a good strategy for understanding where people are coming from, as a large percentage of communication comes from almost universal non-verbal signals such as head tilts, eyebrow raises, and smiles. Who better to reveal these cues than an FBI agent trained in the skill of instantly reading a room and winning people over who are not naturally disposed toward trusting them? These methods have even been used effectively to encourage resistant informants to openly share their secrets. Fortunately, these principles are clearly presented in The Like Switch.They present a simple formula for Friendship that combines Frequency + Proximity + Duration + Intensity. If all this sounds too contrived, just consider the basic truth that people enjoy being around those who make them feel good about themselves. Actually, that’s not too far off from the Golden Rule of Jesus that says “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.†(Matthew 7:12, NLT) When you are genuinely interested in someone, the Golden Rule of Friendship inspires reciprocity. They, in turn, become more interested in you.In our high-tech digital culture, it can be even harder to read the signs of whether or not you are effectively connecting with someone. The authors devote some time to helping you understand how to read the signs of honesty through social media and other types of digital communication as well so you can avoid being the victim of the latest cyber-scam or catfishing attempt.Another helpful acronym explained in the book is the word LOVE, which stands for Listen, Observe, Vocalize, and Empathize. Simply put, this reminds us to engage in active listening through eye-contact and never interrupting (something I really have to work on), looking for those non-verbal cues, respond appropriately with what you say and help them to know that you understand where they are coming from.The Like Switch is especially helpful for anyone who wants to grow in their ability to develop relationships with others. It is interesting throughout with lots of real-world examples to illustrate the ideas they present. I was personally challenged to continually grow in these skills by becoming a better reader of those non-verbal signals and to be a better listener. I highly recommend this book if you also are ready to develop these relational skills.
I am tied between two stars or four stars so I averaged. It is actually a bit of each. The book basically has two ways of writing; one by examples and stories, and one by explaining the psychology of what is going on. The latter is very dry and tough to read. The examples are perfect and I wish he had included more.Imagine you get a new stereo. I can read you the specs out of the manual that tell you how make adjustments, or I can play your favorite song and show you how to make adjustments. Same information, vastly different technique. And which one will you remember? The latter.The stories in this book are fantastic examples, and the best story is at the end. There is a section on computers and how not to get ripped off on the internet, and that section was a total waste to me and likely will be for anyone under 40. The photographs that show examples are just shy of useless. The images are small and are not even cropped to what you need to know. For example if the book says look at the eyebrows on this person, well I do not need a photo of them from the waist up. That just makes the eyebrows smaller in the final image.But now that I have read this book I can see how the Like Switch works, and what to do and not to do. And it also shows you what you already do that you may not know you do. I imagine this data is available in other publications, but the FBI angle here makes the stories more interesting. In fact I encourage the author to write of more examples to inform us of something. Play our music and show us how the sound works, don't just read to us!
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